I have stated in conversations with friends that this adoption journey has been the most intense season of my spiritual journey I have undertaken since committing to serve God and the local church as a pastor/teacher. This portion of my journey has become even more frustrating because Sharon and I have no idea when we will reach that next hill and be able to look back on what we have been through. Changes in government processes along with other delays have brought a dense fog over our adoption journey and we cannot see the end of the road. It was always comforting to know an estimated time of when we will reach the end and have our children home with us. With that element removed, the frustration I encountered had begun to weigh on me. This week I stopped and took a look around me to evaluate my circumstances and see what I can gather about where I am spiritually. Here is what I have learned.
Being anxious for something is not necessarily wrong. Anxiety can reveal where our deepest passions reside. Paul dealt with anxiety in the midst of one of his most intense seasons of his lifelong spiritual journey. While he was being held captive, he was anxious as he thought of the well being of the churches he had planted (2 Corinthians 11:28). His passion for those believers and their pursuit of righteousness weighed heavy on him as he faced the reality that in his present state he could not go to them, teach them in person, and help them grow as a living community of God. He did what he could by writing them, sending them instructions and corrections, but this was not enough to stop him from being anxious for them and their success in Christ. The danger in dealing with our anxieties is that the manner in which we respond can either place us in the center of the will of God or outside of it. Paul understood this and, as he sent the church instructions on dealing with the unmarried and the widowed, he told believers in Corinth that he wanted them to be free from anxieties so that they could secure their undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:32-35). Clearly our anxieties have the potential to distract us from the will of God.
Now the obvious question becomes, "How did Paul deal with his anxiety in a way that honored the Lord?" Well, here are his instructions for dealing with anxiety:
The Lord is at hand; Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:5b-7
First, Paul understood that Jesus was present in the midst of our anxiety. There is no other who understands better the intense pressure and stress that anxiety injects into our lives than the Lord. Our Savior pleaded with the Father before his arrest and the weight of the anxiety over what awaited him was so heavy that Jesus was overcome with agony as he prayed causing him to sweat blood (Luke 22:44). He alone knows the weight we feel when dealing with anxiety.
Since Christ is the one who understands what we are facing during those times, it is He to whom we are to go when the weight of anxiety begins to press us down. That is why Paul instructs us to not be anxious but to make our request known to God by humbly asking (supplication) through prayer that He provide and deal with what is making us anxious. In addition to making our requests known, we are to give thanks to God in the midst of our suffering and stress. We must never forget that the God we are making our humble request to owes us nothing but has already provided all we need (2 Corinthians 12:9).
The amazing thing is that God wants to hear our requests and He desires to bless us with so much more than we deserve. That is why Paul assures us that if we follow his prescription for dealing with anxiety, God will faithfully respond, bring peace to our hearts and minds in our most frustrating situations. When we humbly approach our Lord with our requests and give thanks for what He has and will do, we reaffirm that He alone has authority over all things; especially in those situations for which we are so passionate to see His will be done that we self-impose the burden of anxiety. To place that back upon the Lord is not only liberating but it is God's desire to bear it for His children (Psalm 55:22). For us to have peace in the most difficult of life's circumstances is incomprehensible. This is lived out today as we watch believes who suffer from loss or illness rejoice and praise their God despite the unknown outcome that awaits them in the future.
Is there any evidence that Paul practiced what he preached in regards to dealing with anxiety? Absolutely. You can see it in every letter he wrote, whether it be to churches or to individuals. Remember that in 2 Corinthians 12 Paul had stated that he was dealing with the pressures of his anxiety for the churches. So what did he tell these churches and the young men who were leading them in the letters that he sent? Paul called for God's grace and mercy to fall upon them, stated that he gave thanks for them always, and made sure they knew he was praying for them (Romans 1:8-10; 1 Corinthians 1:3-4; 2 Cor. 13:7-9; Galatians 1:3; Ephesians 1:16; Philippians 1:3-4; Colossians 1:3&9; 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3; 2 Thess. 1:3; 1 Timothy 1:2&12; 2 Timothy 1:3; Titus 1:4; Philemon 4). Paul faithful prayed for and gave thanks to God for the churches and the people for whom he felt the pressure of anxiety. Paul never wavered from what God called him to do and the grace that he exhibited in some the most intense times of his life is evidence of the peace he found by laying his anxieties at the feet of the Lord. Beaten, stoned, slandered, lied about, arrested, shipwrecked twice, questioned before kings and authorities to see if he deserved death for what he preached, nothing brought so much anxiety into his life as to make him break. The peace that surpasses all understanding given to Paul by God is available to us if we will pray and confess our anxieties to Him.
I believe frustration is the result of succumbing to the weight of anxieties. Frustration can lead us to a multitude of sins. The longer we go in the waiting portion of our adoption journey and the thicker the fog gets because of the unknowns, the more I feel the pressure of anxiety weighing in on me. As I stopped and assessed my situation, I saw my need to repent and my God has been faithful to forgive. I am not sure when the fog is going to lift, the summit come into view, and the climb to the top be complete on this portion of my life's journey. However, I am no longer carrying the heavy weight of my anxieties. I am too weak to do that, but the Lord is at hand.
I hear the Savior say,
"Thy strength indeed is small.
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all."
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
